Finding her Calling

Sarah Raynes is a junior and political science major at the University of Oregon.

Dec. 6, 2009

By Alicia Greenwell

CTR — Choose the Right.

The acronym is taught to many young Mormons and it is often engraved onto jewelry given to the youth as a way for the Church of Latter-day Saints to encourage them to choose the right, which means following the beliefs of Mormonism.

“Teachers will give you this little ring that says CTR,” explained Sarah Raynes.

Raynes remembered her first CTR ring that her parents gave her on her 8^th birthday. “I wore it forever,” she recalled.

Raynes, now 20, doesn’t wear her ring anymore.

Raynes, a transfer student at the University of Oregon, is just one of many Mormons who decided to leave the LDS church. Although it is difficult to track the number of people leaving the Mormon Church, some have noted a growing trend in Utah — where the Church is based — that shows a slow shift away from the religion.

According to an analysis done by the Salt Lake Tribune, the LDS population in Utah was 62.4 percent in 2004, compared to 70 percent in 1989.

Raynes said she began to feel that some of the beliefs in Mormonism did not correlate with her own beliefs. She was raised Mormon and said she never questioned anything that she was taught. “Then I realized there are some things that I disagree with,” she said.

Raynes was born in Cincinnati, Ohio and has moved 13 times since. Now her family lives in Eugene, Ore.

“I usually claim Arizona as my home because that is where I graduated from and I still got a lot of friends there,” said Raynes.

Despite the many moves, Raynes and her family maintained a strong belief in the Mormon Church. They prayed before every meal, they participated in weekly church activities and attended the three hour church services every Sunday.

Her senior year of high school, like many other Mormons, Raynes decided to leave Arizona to attended Brigham Young University in Provo, Utah. She explained that attending BYU seemed like the right thing to do for her because it was affordable.

Her first year at BYU, Raynes found that Provo was a lot different than what she was used to.

“The places I had lived before moving to Utah did not have that much of a Mormon population,” explained Raynes. “And so it was really kind of a culture shock for me.”

Although Raynes was raised in a Mormon household her religion did not consume her life. She had friends that were not Mormon and her religious life and her social life stayed in their own realms.

But not in Provo.

“Religion is such a huge part of everybody’s life there that it encompassed everything,” explained Raynes. “It didn’t stay in its own little religious sphere; it also went into academic spheres, social spheres, even our social activities were very religious based.”

But she didn’t tell a soul about her unhappiness.

“I never wanted to seem like I was the questioning person. I always wanted to seem very strong,” said Raynes.

After her first year at BYU, Raynes returned home for summer break. While Raynes was at home, she and a group of her friends gathered at a friend’s house. Everyone talked about their first year at college, but Raynes did not share the same enthusiasm as her friends.

One of Raynes’ friends noticed this and pulled her away from the group. She led her into the laundry room and the two sat on the washer and dryer. Then her friend asked Raynes what was wrong.

“I just don’t know if I believe it anymore,” she said. It was the first time that Raynes openly doubted her faith. “I had been doing that for so long in my life, worried about how other people would interpret my righteousness.”

In 2008, during the debate over California’s Proposition 8, an act, heavily supported by the Mormon Church, that prevents gay couples from getting legally married in California, Raynes got her chance to standup for her own beliefs.

“One of the main issues was that I have people very close to me who are homosexual and because of that I was hurt for them, I felt bad for them,” said Raynes. “And I really didn’t want to be a part of that.” So in June of 2009, Raynes ended her religious practice as member of the LDS church.

Although she no longer associated herself with the Mormon Church, Raynes continues to search for her true beliefs and spirituality.

“I believe that as long as you are striving to be a good person and a better person, why should they exclude you from being saved and, more importantly, being happy,” said Raynes.